We're in that phase. TH runs into a problem, and one of the first things he asks about it is, "Is that because of the Asperger's?"
Trouble with nocturnal enuresis, as the urologists like to call it? "Is that because I have Asperger's?"
Choosing not to complete an evaluation assignment even though you've just learned that it will determine your grade for that subject on the report card? "Is that because of the Asperger's?"
Thinking that today is Sunday when it's Tuesday and you've just been at school all day? "Is that the Asperger's?"
There's no teasing apart these things. Do I think his sense of time--or lack thereof--is because of different development in his brain? Yep. Do I think he has nocturnal enuresis (or, really, a nocturnal tsunami, based on what we find in the morning, padded pull-up notwithstanding) because of Asperger's? I think he has it because he sleeps like he's in a coma. Do I think he made a bad decision in choosing not to complete the evaluation assignment because he's has Asperger's? No. I think it's because he was being lazy.
And with that last, it's a bit difficult to tease the Asperger's out. I know it takes more work for TH than for other kids to organize the mental and motor effort required to write that assignment. I know that it takes a greater struggle of executive function to coordinate the writing, spelling, spacing, punctuation, creativity, word choice, storytelling, and pencil grasp all at once for the "simple" task of writing a story. And I also know that Asperger's or not, it's no excuse for not trying. I had to struggle with trigonometry in the 11th grade (I'm a math wuss). It was harder for me than for some of the other students in my class. Probably, my brain was wired differently from theirs. But I still had to do the work.
But another thing I know is that TH has no real concept of "report card" or "grade." He doesn't get the import of either, doesn't take the long view of what they might mean, couldn't really care less about any of it than he does. And he completely failed to pick up on hints from his teachers that it would behoove him, on this very special assignment, to put forth a bit more effort, the effort they know he's got in him to put forth. He just didn't get it. And I do think that missing the boat on that one was...about Asperger's.
One thing that is difficult for me to tell is whether or not TH asks if these things are about Asperger's because he (a) wants it as an excuse or (b) has an intellectual curiosity about how his Asperger's manifests. Honestly, most of the time, I think the answer is (b). He just wants the information, seeking to understand more about himself and what's driving his behaviors.
Hmmm. Do you think he's being all analytical like that because he has Asperger's?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Is it because I have Asperger's?
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6 comments:
Your last sentence cracked me up. Once I had a bunch of co-workers choose from a list of traits the ones that best described me. (We were all being laid off and going through job-hunting training together.) Every one of them checked "analytical" for me.
You know, this post really points out the "pervasive" aspect of pervasive developmental disorders.
If you ever are able to tease out what is "AS" behavior and what is "ass" behavior, let me know. I can't figure it out.
I could never do homework and such. Until just a year ago everyone thought it was because I am lazy (lazier than other people), including me. I finally found out that it wasn't: I'm perfectly capable of doing chore-like things and work things even when I'm home, alone, and could be doing a gazillion other -fun- things. What made it so hard before was that I was so overwhelmed and drained of every kind of spoon by having to be in school (or at work) all day, that I could barely do anything except what comes easiest to me when I was home (including on weekends, those barely regenerated me for the workweek to come).
I only discovered this when I worked from home for some time and suddenly noticed how I had no trouble at all doing what I had to do even though I was surrounded by everything I like (including special interest stuff) and completely unsupervised. It also helped that I could take breaks whenever I needed to without anyone objecting.
Of course, I can also be really lazy. But until now, I was also completely unable to tell apart when I was too drained to do something and when I was choosing not to.
When I ask (even if I only ask myself) about whether something might be related to autism or not, I have never done so with the intent of using it as an excuse: I'm just incredibly interested and want to figure it all out and pattern what does what and what is related to what.
I realise I barely know TH at all apart from the things you write, so I don't know if any of this applies to him.
I'd caution you against the "lazy" label for anybody's behavior. Not trying hard can be easily caused by various executive function issues. Even if you can do it one day, the next day you might have a slightly higher stress level and not be able. Usually, it's just that things seem too overwhelming to even think about doing. And it sure looks like laziness... except when you've got a plan how to do it, and the plan's easy to follow, suddenly you're not "lazy" anymore.
I appreciate the cautions. I've worked with TH for years on homework, etc., and I can usually tell when he's being "lazy" and when it's just too overwhelming. Based on the conversation we had about that particular assignment...by his own admission, he was just feeling "lazy." He is seven, so it's not unheard of. As I said, I see where the multiple challenges he has to face to complete something like that can be daunting--and his teachers understand that, too, but the child still has to try.
In addition, I want him to learn to face up to hard work, even if he's tired, even if he's overwhelmed. These are incredibly tough lessons that many people never learn, and part of "facing up" to that kind of work is learning how to self regulate so that you can tackle the task. Take a break if you have to, do something different, walk around in circles, rock, whatever, but then come back to it and complete it. I know from personal experience how hard it can be to learn hard work. But I also believe that my son has the potential to figure these things out...with practice and encouragement and our high expectations for him.
Ha! Loved the wrap up line!
While there are some things that make us wonder "Is it, or isn't it?", most of it can be figured out. Some things, however, remain a mystery - especially since all of us are "on the spectrum".
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