Bullying?

TH may be experiencing a little bit of bullying again at school. There are signs. Yesterday, he got in the car, made some vague allusions to children saying "violent" things to him, and then proceeded to be off the hook for the rest of the day: vocalizing, nonstop movement, flapping, completely out of focus. Homework was quite an adventure.

He experiences bullying for the usual reasons, and he experiences the usual kinds of bullying. Sometimes, it's kids who "trick" him into doing something that he thinks he's doing for its inherent humor but that really is just making a fool out of him. Other times, it's more direct--taunting, threats, that kind of stuff.

So...and now this is about me...given my hyperawareness of bullying and my utter distaste for sadism of any kind, I'm a tad bemused by accusations of bullying I and others have been receiving over on a couple of BlogHer or BlogHer-related posts about vaccines. It's weird to me to be accused of bullying, and I honestly don't even understand how women interacting virtually, with me on one side and a handful on the other, can call anything about this situation "bullying." And how on God's green earth could I, by myself, or other posters, by themselves, be bullying them? I don't know. Where I come from, exchanges involving disagreement are just that: exchanges. Discussions. Conversations. I'm there contributing factual information (sure, I'm blunt, but not personal at all), making the occasional ironic aside. How does that perspective on my part or the part of anyone else cross the line into...bullying?

Curious about the accuracy of the accusations, I turned to Google U to find out what the expert and dictionary definitions of bullying are. I know it when I see it, but...what is it, really? Wikipedia tells us that, "Bullying is repeated acts over time that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful child or group attacking those who are less powerful." Um...nope. That doesn't fit.

An education site quotes Tattum and Tattum (1992; no idea who they are) as follows: "Bullying is the wilful, conscious desire to hurt another and put him/her under stress." Nope. That's not it, either. Hurting people is not my thing. Not even people I almost hate, and certainly not people I don't even know. This site goes on to say that "bullying occurs when there is an imbalance of power." Hmmm. Our powers all appear to be the same. We all seem to be cognitively functional, able to type, form sentences, argue, use the Internets.

Realpsychology.com defines bully thusly: "an intentional act of aggression, based on an imbalance of power, that is meant to harm a victim either physically or psychologically. Bullies usually operate alone or in small groups and choose to victimize individuals who they perceive as vulnerable." Again...no one involved here seems to be a vulnerable population. No one seems to be at some kind of disadvantage. In other words, we all seem to be fully capable. And on my part, at least, there is certainly a complete lack of intention. Yes, we are women arguing, something I've already addressed recently. But bullying? Oh, hell no.

Bullying, in my opinion, isn't a word to throw around lightly. It's serious. It demeans, it degrades, it demoralizes. It's power wielded sadistically against a weaker target, something any one of us has the capacity to do and the choice not to do. It's what happens to my son on the playground or at school or in the swimming pool or at birthday parties, targeted for his vulnerabilities in ways that give sadistic pleasure to the perpetrators. I know bullying when I see it, and sisters, this online exchange over vaccines ain't it.