Reading the signs

Like a lot of kids, autistic or not, TH is not very good at articulating his feelings. In fact, he may not even be aware that he's having these feelings, yet he shows that they're there in many ways. We always know that something, something is on his mind when he silently materializes downstairs in the evenings, well after his bedtime, just to sit by me and hum or coo. We know there's really something going on when he wants me to come upstairs later and lie down to talk to him. And now we've got a new sign: he wants to come sleep next to me.

And he did. Last night (or this morning, really), we had two big things happen. First of all, our oldest child, who normally sleeps like he's under general anesthesia, actually came into the bathroom at 4:45 a.m. and peed in the toilet. The last time that child was awake at that hour, it was about hurling, not micturating. In fact, it was such a strikingly unusual event that both of his parents woke up and came to the bathroom, concerned that it was one of the first signs of an impending apocalypse.

The second thing he did that he has not done in...I don't know how long...was to come sleep next to me. This child is the most restless sleeper I've ever known. He never stops moving. Our other two, who've slept next to me more frequently, are quiet, still sleepers, so still you'd hardly know they're there. Not TH. He fidgets and twitches and shifts. Every few minutes, I get an elbow in the ribs or twitchy little fingers bumping my arm or a full body wiggle. I didn't really care because I'm tired enough these days to at least doze pretty well through all of that.

This comes across as big stuff. What's on his mind? We'll learn, but I don't know when. For TH, these emotions, their names and their causes, have to percolate for some time before they bubble up, usually in the dark, after his bedtime, when I'm lying next to him having one of our nighttime chats. Invariably, in the midst of one of our typically discursive conversations, he'll suddenly out with it, usually some anxiety bomb so surprising that I'm glad he can't see my facial expression in the dark. So, we wait, patiently.

Meanwhile, he remains classic TH in many ways. This morning when he woke up in our bedroom, he found that his dad had laid out his school clothes on our bed. TH usually has his clothes laid out in his own room, where he dresses every morning. Unable to handle this slight change in routine, he insisted on taking his clothes from our bed and putting them on the floor in his own room, where he then proceeded to get dressed. As per the usual routine.