I don't want to. I want maybe one, two activities every couple of weeks. That seems good to me.
One of the activities on offer in our community is a homeschool soccer meet that happens twice a week in the mornings. We've been discussing a drive-by, just to check it out, and yesterday, we did that. I even had TH wear closed-toe shoes (his cleats are long outgrown), just in case we got inspired to get out, join in.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
After some driving around in our large local center-city park, we finally found the group. As advertised, it was the only mixed-age group out there in mid-morning on a weekday, playing soccer. I'd fully intended to at least park, get out, stand there, gauge things.
But as we approached, we noted the large number of people. About 30 or more standing around or sitting in chairs. Small groups of adults, knotted together, talking. And a soccer game in progress with what looked like about 40 people running up and down the field.
Daunting. TH immediately volunteered that if we got out, he was going to hide behind a tree and watch everything from that safe vantage point. I felt his pain. I tried to imagine parking, getting out, walking over to that horde of strangers in the midst of communal soccer, inserting myself in there, using my deficient social skills to try to get to know someone, anyone. Yikes. The very horror.
Without really elaborating my own feelings to the increasingly terrified TH, I just kept on driving. Yes, we did a drive-by on a social activity yesterday, not only because my son has Asperger's and was deeply freaked out at the sight of all those people but also because his mother, the tree from which he ensued, felt pretty much the same way.
I guess integrating socializing into our homeschool curriculum is going to be a lesson for us both. The apple has obviously not fallen far from the apple tree here. In fact, the apple has expressed a desire to hide behind the tree. But where can the tree hide? I'm going to have to overcome some of my own dubiousness about socializing if I expect to model it successfully for my little homeschooled apple. And it may be that a huge, communal soccer meet full of strangers to us who are familiar to each other might not be the best place to embark on this growth experience.
12 comments:
I'd have driven on by, too. That sounds terrifying to me. I have no ability to get to know people in crowded groups where it seems everyone already knows one another.
Good luck finding something.
Oh dear. You know, for all my social acumen and skills at reading others...I still feel terrified at the idea of mingling, let alone trying to actually establish relationships, in large groups.
Is there a smaller group you might meet somehwere for a more low-key activity? Maybe a play-in-the-park kind of gathering instead?
I completely feel you. What about connecting with a homeschooling group in the area? It's still integrating into an existing group, but you'd have some commonalities. Or seeing if there is a support group for children with autism (maybe even one for those that are homeschooled)?
We don't homeschool, but have had similar struggles when it comes to extra-curricular activities. We rejected soccer because it lacks structure at G's age level and I can see G misinterpreting the mob around the ball and lashing out at the kids crowding him. We tried t-ball and that was slightly better, but still not great. Now we're trying scouts because it has a lot more structure and a code of conduct that (so far) is easy for G to internalize.
DH and I are very introverted and mixing with other parents is difficult. If we don't start G in an activity at a clear starting point, we just can't do it. I wouldn't have had the courage to even drive by the soccer group unless it was day 1, so I admire the fact that you were able to do that much.
It's hard. We socialize w our same group of friends and stopped trying to fit in the homeschool group. Boys do a homeschool art thing every week, I don't socialize in the lobby. Bub plays upwards basketball, which took so much, but he was ready (just turned 10 so this didn't come easy or quick). And no I still don't socialize with the other parents. I love my iPhone. It is my best friend in those situations. We push our boundries little by little...that way we grow but we don't pop! What you drove by sounds like my worst nightmare. *Shiver* our local group is having a mothers tea night out...that sounds as equally frightening.
Oh to give you another idea on how slow we move, moose is 6 and just recently he decided to do gymnastics without his shoes on (security). Gymnastics with same teacher and 3 kids including his brother for 3 years and after a long slow process he finally felt secure enough to go in his bare feet. :) what I'm saying is take it slow... IMO this social stuff requires dipping your toes in the water not jumping in!
Is there a mailing list/bulletin board/some online way you could get to 'meet' these people first? That's how I'd do it...meet them from the safety of my computer, find out who I clicked with, find out which activities THEY do, then meet IRL.
Um, yes, my child has social issues. How'd you know? ;-)
If you haven't already joined local homeschooling email loops, this would be a good time to do so.
Perhaps arrange a smaller meet-up?
Would your son feel more comfortable if he knew one or two of the kids participating before he had to show up at the event?
I'd be overwhelmed by what you described, too.
Not everyone is a crowd animal.
Nothing wrong with that.
"But where can the tree hide?"
In an orchard? Perhaps with other trees who have apples and the same apprehensions?
Does your town possibly have an Asperger's support group where you might do some socializing with others in the same situation? If nothing else, maybe you'd have someone to talk to and could arrange play dates with one another?
I hope you find an answer that's comfortable to both of you.
Hi, everyone. Thanks for the ideas, tips, and questions. Just in brief, OH YES, we are tapped into the email homeschool crowd here, on a listserv, etc. In fact, that's a whole other post. Literally. I'm posting about it tomorrow. That and a few other things.
Have a driveby at some of the martial arts studios.
I really liked this post---and would have kept driving too (I'm sure Charlie would have urged me too). Sounds like you and TH are becoming a twosome (that's meant in the best of ways!).
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