On Facebook and on Twitter, I saw a lot of verklempt posts with pictures of happy smiling children waiting on buses. In spite of some of the verklemptedness, many parents posted about the relief they felt that school had started, how ready they were to see their kids hop on that bus and go spend a day somewhere else after a long summer of family togetherness.
And then I saw another grouping of posts, these focused on worries. Worries about teachers, safety, bullying, IEPs, principals who don't call back or who do and seem confused, eligibility issues, bus issues, and inclusion issues.
Guess which group of postings came from the special needs parents.
I know. It's pretty obvious. But it does draw a stark contrast between the way each group lives their lives.
How about us, the DMFPs? Well, my officially special needs child started school yesterday. Right here at home, in my office. No bullying. No IEPs. No dismissive, unconcerned, or unresponsive principals. No bus. No aides. No bad-fit teachers (unless that's me). My other school-age child had one bus issue that we've handled, and...so far, so good.
So, I have to say, it's going pretty well. If we were still in brick'n'mortar school with TH, however, I'd fall squarely into group 2. Just thinking about our previous first-day-of-school experiences conjures memories and feelings I'd rather forget. I'm pretty sure TH would rather forget, too.
13 comments:
I homeschool both of my special needs kids, but because of the way I've chosen to do it, I still have to worry (a bit) about IEPs and eligibility. But that's it. I don't have to worry about safety, teachers, bullying, buses, PTAs, carpool or any of that other stuff. So, for me, totally worth it!
I'm showing my ignorance here, but what the heck is DMFP?
I am part of the small majority of the parents of NT kids that really dreaded my kids going back to school, do every year. Maybe not for all of the same reasons, but for many. I wondered when my son was in Kindergarten if I would ever get used to it, he is a Senior in high school this year, so I guess the answer is no.
Ahem. DMFP = DaisyMayFattyPants, of course. :-)
I probably would feel the same way about any neurotypical kids. I sort of like having my kids around.
I read your blog post, by the way...and it just makes me like this blogging world all the more.
Silly me, I thought it was an Autism thing-ha!!!!
Thank you, and me too!
Well.... with my eldest we're going to catch up on the bully part of the program probably in another year when they move another school into ours for middle school... right now it's not an issue.... Unless, we start learning to watch what we say... We'll see... It's on the "list of things to talk to the new PDD teacher (travelling teacher)" about at IEP time. Otherwise I have minimal worries this year. After my "issues" at the end of Gr 3, things have been relatively calm with teachers and him. The programs are in place, the LST's, the PPM 140's, the fusion, the OT, the.... will have to have an early in the school year meeting before the IEP or just send a letter... but I have no real concerns.
Little boy his headed to special ed. He's going by bus and not cab (happy skippy!!!)... he's going to town not the village this year. I have some minimal concerns about it... but I think this is a much better fit than a Gr 4 classroom at this time. Must be I fought from Dec to June to get him in there...
So, this year is starting much calmer for the Mom than most years.
This post is so right on. I fall into both camps. I have NT kids that I'm excited to send to school and I have an escalating dread about sending Jack back.
We start school with a pre-first-day meeting where I freak out internally because less than 24 hours before the first bell rings the new teacher's room is a complete mess, there's no firm daily schedule, and G's teacher jokes that he'll have to be patient with her because she tends to 'fly by the seat of her pants.' Thus sparking a detailed explaination of the origins of that particular figure of speech. Followed by two sleepless nights while I worry about the parent reaction to our introductory letter. (btw, thanks for your examples, we borrowed from them extensively)
In spite of all this, the teacher seems to doing very well with G and the first week has been remarkably smooth. But yes, we're in camp number 2.
Stimey...I found your SFGate interview and thought it gave great insight into this issue.
Lynnes...I'm so glad you found some of the Circle of Friends info useful. Yes...the worry over the parent reaction to that is worse than any worry about how the kids will react.
I was bullied. I battle daily with balancing between protecting, exposing and honoring the in-the-moment-instinct.
It's a different world than I grew up in and I fear for my kids, for the instinct to bully or bolt. I have no answers, but sure do appreciate people talking about it, regardless of the specifics of our lives.
I've noticed the same thing...the angst amongst the special needs parents is palpable. This is probably my least angst-y school year kickoff because the placement is the same and I'm happy with it. But my daughter is only in first grade...things are still pretty kumbaya, but the first time it gets ugly I have a feeling I will be joining the ranks of homeschoolers.
Good Luck to all! (Christmas break will be here before we know it!)
Many hugs to you. I didn't home school my son with Asperger's; he is also blind, and needed a specialist for Braille and orientation/mobility. We have always been advocates for him, even when it interfered with my job. I teach in our district. Talk about uncomfortable....
Even when things are going relatively well (you know, like the bus stops and lets your children out and into your waiting arms), and you're confident that you've got caring professionals looking out for your children, the anxiety concerning them doesn't really let down. Good days are relative days. Doesn't mean I won't hold onto those good days tightly and rejoice that my girls come back to me with smiles on their faces (right before meltdown mode after having held it all together); I do, tightly and with pride that they manage with assistance to navigate the school system. But, when that assistance, for whatever reason, isn't there, there are spectacular crashes and burns, reminding us all that it is the assistance that is making this possible. (Girls still can't communicate that it's their stop in the afternoon, despite continued practice; I worry what would happen if I'm not out there --look what happened when I was, what will happen when my brother is getting them off the bus in the spring? What if he's not there?)
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