Based on responses to this post and personal experience, I think that autistic people can read nonverbal cues, which are not only about facial expressions, but include tone, gestures, body language, and throwing things. It may be that even as autistic people register these communications, they may understand them without specifically reacting to them. But how often have you found that non-autistic people have significant trouble reading an autistic person's nonverbal communication even though once the context is clear, the message becomes obvious?
Communications is a two-way street. Who misconstrues more in, say, an interaction between an "NT" person and an autistic person--the autistic or the NT?
Just askin'. What's your experience?
10 comments:
That's an interesting question. I've only met four autistic children (and one autistic custodian) and haven't had a lot of experience. I'll be interested in reading the responses.
My personal experience is that NT people are way more likely to completely misconstrue or mis-read my communication--verbal as well as non-verbal--than I am to mis-read theirs. I'm more likely to entirely miss the meaning of theirs, but I don't believe that I misconstrue what the meaning is very often.
The whole empathy journey has been a very enlightening process for me.
It was only a few years ago that everyone seemed to be saying that people with aspergers/autism had no emotions, no empathy etc..
This was all based on how a group of neurotypical analysts viewed things.
It's been a difficult battle but I think most people now have gotten the message that people with ASDs can have empathy and most certainly do have emotions.
The next phase is very interesting. Increasingly, I'm reading posts which make it painfully clear that many neurotypicals don't actually have as much empathy as once thought. In fact, I'd venture to say that I'm hearing more positive stories about people on the spectrum with empathy than I am about neurotypicals.
Maybe empathy isn't such a neurotypical trait after all.
The problem is that most people - autistic or NT - do not understand what the word "empathy" means.
Empathy is not the "oh look they got cut, that must hurt, must say something". Empathy is the feel it in the gut, something is wrong when there are minimal physical signs, and then respond accordingly.
It's a very big difference.
I have one with NLD that has theory of mind. Zilch for empathy... oh, he knows how to respond correctly but in the end he truly does not care. It's all about "me", "it's not my fault", "you can't make me", he's missing the ability to better himself or simply as I call it missing the "I give a shit" gene. The child psych agrees.
Ironically, it's the severe one that got the empathy. He's the one who's emotions are actually "normal".
That is what Simon B-C can't seem to make people understand... his writing and definitions are poor... knowing, and feeling... are 2 different things.
I think some of the problem is with the understanding (or misunderstanding) of the word empathy. When used to mean 'the ability to put yourself in another's place, and understand their thoughts from their perspective,' then yes, people on the spectrum are a bit lacking. When used to mean 'emotionless automaton, incapable of feeling or reacting to anyone else,' as the popular press seems to be using it, then no, people on the spectrum are definitely NOT lacking.
My AS son is very very attuned to my emotional state. And it affects his. And he is quite capable of spontaneously giving me a hug 'because you are having a bad day.' However, does he get my perspective of my thought process when I tell him something? No, definitely not. Does he read facial expressions? If he knows the person extremely well, and they're fairly obvious, yes. Otherwise, I'm not sure if it is that he doesn't read them, or they are just not significant to him.
Can I read *his* non-verbal cues? Not always, and sometimes I fail miserably to detect when he is upset or struggling with something. Some of that I think is that NT's tend to interpret everything in an NT fashion - this is what *I* would be doing if I felt that way - which is not valid. This is what *I* would mean if i said that in this situation - equally invalid. Best lesson my AS husband ever taught me - 'I say exactly what I mean. There is NO hidden meaning behind it.'
This is a wonderful question and great insight. My kids absolutely have empathy...it just looks a little different from the norm. I'm not sure I can say as much for some NTs out there.
farmwifetwo:
"oh, he knows how to respond correctly but in the end he truly does not care. It's all about "me", "it's not my fault", "you can't make me", he's missing the ability to better himself or simply as I call it missing the "I give a shit" gene. The child psych agrees."
I'm sorry, I can't let this go by. This is a horrible thing to say about your kid.
Is it possible that he feels under attack for some reason? Because it's very, very hard to put forth a lot of emotional energy caring for others, when you're desperately defending yourself.
I grew up being told all the time how selfish and uncaring I was. Everyone told me this until I believed it. And you know, I probably did look selfish. I HAD to be selfish in a lot of ways to survive emotionally, because all kinds of shit was being demanded of me that I could not do.
Only when I grew up did I learn that it wasn't true. That I was good at caring about other people. That I was good at making other people feel good and safe, when it had been shown to me, and when I had the resources to do it for myself. Surprise--when I wasn't under constant emotional attack, I wasn't a selfish bitchy person.
That's the thing--you have to have had it done for you before you can do it. You have to know what it feels like and be able to see how it was done, and be able to handle both of those things, before you can do it.
In my (fairly extensive, seeing as I know a LOT of people from a variety of contexts) experience, people misread me more than I misread them.
Granted, I am not particularly confident in my ability to read people-I have a broken creep-dar and everything-but when whatever DOESN'T go flying right over my head, I'm more often than not right.
The misreadings of me, though, ohmygosh! Everything from people thinking I'm not having fun doing an activity I adore to people thinking I don't like them when I do to people thinking I said one thing when I actually said exactly the opposite thing!
This is a fascinating question, and I'm not sure of the answer. I think it changes as a person grows up, their symptoms change, and people react to them differently.
In my brother's case, when he was younger and more severely affected, he had trouble telling when people were teasing him in a friendly way vs. when they were attacking him, and he had trouble with figurative language. But other people didn't understand him much better, especially when he misbehaved. Besides our family (and it took a while) only a few exceptional, extremely emotionally intelligent NT teachers understood and figured out how to deal with his behavior. Now as a teenager he seems to read other people fine, but I'm not sure he's able to project the right thing to other people. He still has trouble making friends so I don't think most people "get" him yet. From what I've read from various adults with autism, this may be true for them as well. The good news is for autistic people who can read other people but just project the wrong things, NTs who learn how to interpret what they're projecting can pick up the slack somewhat. I think bloggers like you are making a real difference in this regard, even just by asking the question.
Also, perspective is everything! It's hard to see when we've misinterpreted other people because we think we understand them just fine. So I tend to accept autistic people's judgment that NTs misunderstand them, and NTs' judgment that autistic people misunderstand them, but, no offense, I'm a little skeptical about how well each group thinks they understand the other. :) That makes it a little hard to tell who really has the most trouble reading whom.
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