In the autism community, we're fond of drawing lines

In the autism community, you are required to draw lines. There's no way to ride a fence, park it in the middle of the road. Even if you try--and why would you?--people will beckon to you from either side, try to convince you, or at least get pissed off at you. There isn't a potential line in existence that someone in the autism community hasn't drawn, almost to the refinement of pointillism. The upshot of these lines is that people who can't trace their origins, who have no real investment in doing so, can't quite get a grasp of what autism might be. Obviously, this state of affairs isn't useful to autistic people, especially those who advocate for a better world for themselves and autistic people who come after them.

Where do we draw the lines? Wherever we can find the slightest reason to do so.

• Parents draw lines when they think their voices don't matter.
• Autism parents draw lines between themselves and other parents based on parental philosophies more than even garden-variety parents in San Francisco. And that's saying something.
• Autistics draw lines because their lives have been one slammed door, one sneer, one derisive laugh, one bullying incident, one misinterpreted communication after another.
• There are lines around and through different diagnoses, enough to slice a community to ribbons if the divisions are drawn sharp enough.
• There's the disability pissing contest--mine's worse than yours. We suffer more. Your suffering cannot compare. My suffering kicks your suffering's ass.
• You think that doesn't cause autism? You are completely irrational and a minion of Big Pharma.
• Are you a positive person with a positive outlook? Get to that side please. This side of the aisle is reserved only for people who are negative--because negativity, you see, is the only honest interpretation of autism and disability.
• You can talk? You're consigned to "not as important." Only parents of nonverbal children on this side of the line.
• Wait, did you say something? You're not autistic. Sorry. People who can speak aren't really autistic. You can't speak for my nonverbal child.
• Oh, you can type? Articulate yourself well? Sorry, you don't count. You're clearly fully functioning and have no voice for people who are truly autistic.
• Your child's diet is not GFCF? Obviously, you've failed as a parent. Please join the other failures over there.
• You vaccinate? Dumbass.
• Did you just say that it's hard for you? Oh, quit whining.
• You have Asperger's? Why are you even in this tent? People like you? You're not autistic. You're just "quirky," possibly even "cutesie." Also, when you reach adulthood, you don't exist.
• Speaking of non-existent, I'm sorry, but you can't be a middle-aged autistic person because, well, autistic people didn't exist when you were born.
• Did you write something positive about your autistic child? Clearly, you are lying and/or willfully delusional. Please, take your place elsewhere. You don't belong with the rest of us.
• You're grieving the loss of hopes you had? Sorry, but that's not allowed.
• You have a job, a significant other, an education? You can't be autistic. Autistic people can't do these things.
• Oh, you can feel for other people? You can't possibly have autism.
• You say you have a disability, but you're happy? Then clearly, you are not disabled.
• I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear that. What? You find positives in your autism? That's simply impossible. There is nothing about autism that is positive.
• Did you just make a joke? You must have been joking when you said you were autistic. Autistic people don't have a sense of humor.
• Oh, you had a bad day because of autism, yours or your child's? Nope. Only the good stuff here.
• Oh, I'm sorry...those autistic people can't talk to you because they have nothing to say that might someday open a door for your autistic child.
• You don't worry that autistic people might read what you say and perhaps find it offensive? Oh...you say it's because truly autistic people can't read, much less feel offense?
• That woman over there thinks that behavior is communication. She's obviously deluded and doesn't realize that her child is simply toxic and that's the autism talking, not the person.
• If you don't think autism stole your child, you are living in a land of rainbows and unicorns. Slap, slap. Wake up. You're an idiot.
• Your child is mainstreamed? Not autism. 
• If your experience with autism isn't my experience with autism, then you're not on my side.
• If your experience with autism isn't my experience with autism, you cannot have my trust, and I will judge you.

In other words, in the autism community, if you haven't drawn a line, positioned yourself on one side or the other of a million tiny divisions, staked your claim and marked your territory, well...clearly, you're not paying attention.

Do I have lines? Yes, I do. Here are my lines:

• Respect autistic people and listen to what they have to say. Period.
• Make no assumptions about capacity, but always assume potential.
• Do not second-guess the personal experiences of others.
• Do not second-guess someone's diagnosis or self identification of autism.
• Do not write things about my family members--including my children--that compromise their privacy or personhood.
• Do not expect anyone else to feel as I do about their experiences or mine.
• Remember that everyone is fighting a personal battle.
• Remember that disability does not mean "no ability" and that different does not mean "less."

Those are my lines. If I find that someone has willfully or accidentally crossed them, I will have something to say about it. I always have.